All I know is that this guy sure knows a lot about bananas....

Gentlemen and now embarrassed and alone lady, I have seen a lot in my life. Some of these things I'd like to forget, others I will remember passionately for as long as I'm blessed with my life. However, I have come to a realization so crazy, so startling, and so random that I am forced to question my very existence...Nintendo rigged the 2008 Presidential Elections.

Let's look at the agreed upon "facts". Barrack Obama, now President of the U.S. of A. won. He, which just happens to be omitted from many texts, also has very large ears.

Now, who else can we think of who has large ears? Dumbo, the mouse in Dumbo, and Link from The Legend of Zelda series. To those losers who have never played or understood the The Legend of Zelda series, Link, a kid with small ears, went against all odds and rescued the lovely and undeniably hot Princess Zelda from the evil grasp of Gannon and his minions.

Obama's victory largely came from the youth vote. Obama was able to get them together and bring them to the polls like never before in overwhelming support of him.

For so long we have believed that swords and shields and hot woman were what made awesome awesome. But the underneath all that in the Legend of Zelda were very large ears. Subconsciously we have all (save the brainwashed Republicans) supported him for different reasons aloud; but underneath, it was because of his ears.

Now, you may be questioning this for the obvious reason that they are different races...surely if Nintendo meant to rig the election they would have made Link black. Well, the truth unfortunately is that people, when The Legend of Zelda came out mind you, can't accept a black hero. The idea of ears had to get out there first, and with the white Link, it did.

Nintendo actually stole this from the Christians who even still have us believe that Jesus was white instead of actually black (Come on, you know it's true!).

I'm sorry that this had to come to you all like this, but, at least you now know the truth...Enjoy like while you can and for others a long long time...soon we'll have Bill Richardson (Fat Mario anyone?) for president!

<The above is a joke. Get it? A joke!>